into deep

silver

2011-04-30T01:20:00.000-07:00

Silver ( /ˈsɪlvər/) is a metallic chemical element with the chemical symbol Ag (Latin: argentum, from the Indo-European root *arg- for "grey" or "shining") and atomic number 47. A soft, white, lustrous transition metal, it has the highest electrical conductivity of any element and the highest thermal conductivity of any metal. The metal occurs naturally in its pure, free form (native silver).

Silver has long been valued as a precious metal, and it is used to make ornaments, jewelry, high-value tableware, utensils (hence the term silverware), and currency coins.

...and i just turned silver... someone said it's just a number..well i don't think it is for me..the thought of it gave me a little pressure - pressured in a lot of ways..on different aspects.

i felt that some things have to change..no more childish acts..no more immature decisions..no more stupid words..and a lot of responsibilities is put onto my shoulders now.

pursuing goals is at the top of my "must to do-must happen at 2011" list. the thought of it drives me a bit crazy because i just don't know how and where to start. but nevertheless, i'm determined to do it now! no matter how difficult or how confusing it may seem..i MUST BEGIN this journey to maturity.

i always dealt with confusion..confusion towards career, friends, family, lovelife :) or life in general..i know there's always His GRAND PLAN for each of us..but i'm ONLY HUMAN that's why i ask. i've always prayed for discernment especially at times where confusion arises - during those times that i'm dreading to find out the answers.

and as i turn 25.. I have to make my life SHINE and SPARKLING as SILVER!

late post..created last november 2010

Prayer

2010-11-03T18:52:00.000-07:00

Impatience gets into my nerves sometimes...and when I'm feeling this way I can't help but pray. I've been uttering the same prayer for quite sometime and I never get tired... and will never get tired. I know God is listening to me. I can feel that He is just preparing me for that one big answer.

So for now, I just have to hold on to that feeling and keep my faith....

A Letter to the one God has prepared for me

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me. If like me you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.

I am thinking of how we will meet. Would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have really known " LOVE. " I do not have answer to that question either but I believe that. More often that not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person... and since I have not found you yet, then may be I do not really know what love is!

You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile. Or your eyes. Or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways!

I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes. I think of all the pain I had gone through in the past and how much I have cried sine the day I began my search. I just want you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me - the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice.

After all the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect. Not perfect in it's truest sense, but perfect - for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey.

But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold unto you. Long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.

And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined. Just as I had thought and dreamed. Just as I had believe it would be! By then I would simply look back and smile at all that I have that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life - I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to your dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost. God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.

( An article from Testify Chronicles )

Disturbed

2010-10-31T12:18:00.000-07:00

SLEEP..it's the only thing I need right now. It's 1:14am and i couldn't get myself to sleep. I've been like this for a while. Thoughts come rushing through my mind and it becomes more difficult for me to fall into sleep. So what's keeping me awake anyway?

Sometimes, I wondered if I would shout out to the world all my heart's desire, would somebody hear it? Or would someone even care to listen? Why am I feeling so alone?

I always felt so alone amidst all the friends I got. Ironic it is. Is it my fault that I bring myself to this state or is it something that is just ought to happen and I just have to deal with it?

I've been battling with confusions for so long. A text message says: I really don't believe in the word "REGRET." I just do stand with the phrase: " I messed up but I learned. " Have I really learned through all these years? I hate to admit it but I guess I haven't yet up to this moment. Sad but true.

I'm starting to feel the pressure right now. I'm trying my best to avoid all negativity but the more I avoid the more I see myself into it. Maybe it's the way of life, we have to face it and move on.

Life's a little bit cruel. When we thought that everything is well and going according to our own plan it gives us surprises that most of the time are beyond our expectations..be it good or not so good. These things are inevitable, it's part of living. It is up to us on how we will cope up.

My eyes are becoming heavier..

I'm starting to feel sleepy right now...